Butterflies
by NonfatalTensions
Summary: Nagisa goes looking for Rei when he wakes to find him missing from their hotel room, and tries to plan what he'll say to him when he finds him. Though things don't always go according to plan. Takes place during the events of episode 11.
1. Missing

The buzzing woke him from his dream.

He could feel the artificial light of the table lamp through his eyelids and knew it was still night. He didn't bother to open his eyes before trying to coax himself back into the dream he was having.

He ignored the quiet shuffling noises in reality as he focused on visualising the date he'd been experiencing moments before. Even in his dreams, Rei-chan was being difficult, insisting on eating the squid he'd ordered for himself instead of allowing Nagisa to feed him from the couple's meal he'd ordered for the two of them. It was just like Rei-chan to not realise the food was meant for the both of them. His dream self giggled a little at the oblivious nature of his date while he continued to eat his squid.

He was pulled from the dream once again as a familiar click sound registered in his mind. He slowly blinked his eyes half open. Had someone come into the room?

"Rei-chan," he whispered.

There was no response.

"_Rei-chan!_"

Still nothing.

He let out a soft groan as he pulled himself into a sitting position and rubbed at his eyes. He yawned as he glanced over at the other bed, and froze when he realised it was empty. He glanced around the room, as if there was anywhere Rei could have been standing that he wouldn't have noticed him.

He looked back at the empty bed, staring for a moment before it sank in that Rei was gone. What if he was running away? If he was so scared of disappointing the team by swimming badly that he thought it would be better to just not swim at all?

He frowned at nothing in particular as he decided that he couldn't let Rei think like that. He needed to find him before he did something stupid and let him know how much he meant to the team... How much he meant to _him_.

He'd been planning to wait until after regionals to tell Rei how he felt, but if it would help him feel more included now then it was something that could be done earlier than planned. After all, he couldn't let his Rei-chan feel unwanted, especially when he was definitely more than appreciated in Nagisa's eyes.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and pulled on his shorts, then stood up, slipping on his shoes before making for the door.

He wandered around the streets nearby, not sure where Rei would go at this time of the night. He shivered a little and wished he'd thought to take a jacket with him, but that wasn't important right now. What was important was finding Rei and making sure he knew he was a part of the team, making sure he knew he belonged with them, with him.

The more he walked, the more his mind wandered. What if he was wrong about Rei's reasons for leaving the room? Sure, he thought he'd gotten to know him pretty well over the past while, but Rei was still something of an enigma to him at times. Maybe he wasn't worried about disappointing them. Maybe he just didn't want to swim with them, or maybe Nagisa had done or said something to annoy him and hadn't realised. It was something that happened to him every now and then, though he was usually forgiven because of his bubbly nature. But Rei-chan didn't always appreciate that, and maybe he'd done something to take it a step too far and upset him without realising. But surely Rei would have come to him if that were the case, he would have said something. After all, he'd even confronted _Rin-chan_, so he could definitely take on Nagisa. Hmm, maybe something Rin had said had upset him, that was always possible.

Wait, hadn't Nagisa woken up before he left? What had woken him up that time? It was some kind of buzzing noise. Had it been Rei's phone? Had someone called him? It couldn't be about anything good if it was so late at night. What if something had happened, and someone he loved was hurt?

He brought a hand up to his temple and rubbed at it. Thinking this much was painful. Whatever the reason for Rei leaving was, he still needed to find him. He stopped suddenly when he heard footsteps.

"Rei-chan?"

He stared walking again, faster, and rounded the corner quickly. There was someone there, alright, but it wasn't Rei. His face fell for a second before he realised who it was. He took a second to compose himself as the boy ran past him, and then faked a smile, still worried about Rei.

"HARU-CHAAAN!"

The other boy looked surprised to see him, but waited as he crossed the road to meet him.

"Let's go sit down somewhere!" He grinned up at Haruka, and then tugged him along with him to a children's playground he'd just passed. He ran to the swingset and Haru followed him over, taking a seat on the swing beside the one Nagisa had claimed as his own.

He quickly explained why he was out, leaving out all the thoughts that had been going through his head, and immediately turned the attention over to Haru, not wanting to be asked why Rei not being in the room was enough to send him on a search through an unknown city in the middle of the night.

Afraid Haru would give a short answer, he prompted him along, asking if he was nervous about the race. He almost faltered when Haru deflected the question, but continued along, claiming to be nervous himself. He was nervous alright, just not about swimming. He decided the claim would have more weight if he gave examples, and it couldn't hurt to get some of his thoughts out in the open, so he voiced the words he thought were on Rei's mind.

"What if I screw up my dive? Wouldn't I ruin it for everyone?"

He paused for a second, and decided to say something from his own perspective. It might be nice to let Haru in, even if he wasn't getting the full story.

"I'm worrying about things I usually don't even think about."

Before Haru could ask him what he meant, he put the attention back on him, mentioning Rin and trying to sooth Haru's nerves.

He was taken aback when instead of responding to this, Haru decided to express his gratitude towards Nagisa.

"It's all thanks to you, Nagisa. You're the one who came up with the idea of starting a swim club."

He agreed with him, not sure where Haru was going with this.

"I never thought I'd be swimming in a relay again."

He laughed and faked some bravado, telling Haru jokingly that he should be showing him more gratitude, but ever more surprised when he agreed and thanked him. He hugged him tightly, happy to be appreciated, happy to feel like he was an important part of the team, and something dropped in his stomach when he remembered that Rei didn't feel this way.

He pulled back from the hug, more determined than ever to find Rei and talk some sense into him, no matter what it took.

He grinned at Haru. "Thanks, Haru-chan! Now I have to go find Rei-chan!"

He took off at a run, slowing to a jog after a couple of blocks. He decided to find somewhere high to look from, in case he could see his blue-haired friend on any of the streets from there. He jogged out of the city, and paused for breath halfway up a hill. He slumped onto the ground, panting, and then heard a couple of voices.

He felt butterflies in his stomach as he recognised a voice as Rei's, remembering suddenly that he had decided to confess his feelings to him once he found him. But the butterflies turned to a knot when he recognised the other voice.

He stood up slowly and crept up to a position where he could see the two boys on the ledge above him, careful not to let them see him. What was Rei doing up here with Rin? His face dropped as he watched them. He couldn't hear what it was that they were saying, but by the looks on their faces it was something important, something emotional, something one of them was confiding in the other. He couldn't have come up here to confess feelings for Rin, could he? He barely knew him.

And yet there was some kind of familiarity between the butterfly swimmers. Rin was talking to Rei more freely and comfortably than Nagisa had seen him talking to anyone since he came back from Australia, even his own sister and teammates. It made him wonder what exactly had happened between them when Rei had skipped practise to see him.

His heart sank a little as he thought about it. Rei had skipped practise to see Rin, and now he'd left their hotel in the dead of night to meet up with him in secret. Was there more going on here than Rei was willing to share with him? Why would he keep something from Nagisa?

And his phone had buzzed. Had Rin called or messaged him to ask him to meet him? Why did he have Rei-chan's number? Why would Rei have given him his number and not told Nagisa? Did he not trust him?

He felt tears welling up in his eyes and he frowned as he blinked them away. He couldn't watch them any longer. He turned and ran back the way he came, tears streaming down his cheeks until he was out of breath again, and collapsed to the ground sobbing. He couldn't say how long he stayed there, but he went silent when he heard footsteps nearby. He panicked and stood up quickly, rubbing at his eyes and sniffing. He couldn't risk Rei-chan seeing him like this. He darted around a corner and kept his back to a wall, trying to keep his breathing steady.

He watched as Rin slinked past him and suddenly saw red. His brows furrowed in anger and he stepped out from where he was hiding.

"Hey!"

Rin stopped and turned.

"Nagisa?"

He clenched his fists tightly as he approached the taller boy.

"Don't you Nagisa me!"

Rin looked taken aback for a second and then returned his glare.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"What do I want? What do I _want?!_"

Nagisa stopped. He couldn't do this. He was angry, he was so damn angry about this. And he was upset that Rei was meeting up with Rin without telling him, that they had somehow become close enough to exchange numbers without him noticing the friendship developing, that they were hanging out in a private location in the middle of the night, all alone. But maybe this was what Rei wanted. And if he really liked him, he should want him to have whatever made him happy, right? He shouldn't threaten or attack someone for being around him, no matter what it made him feel. He should step back and let Rei be happy with whoever he wanted to be with, even if it wasn't him. And he should have realised a long time ago it was never going to be him.

He choked back as sob as he took a step backwards. His frown softened and his eyes became wet again.

"Just... don't hurt him, okay?" He bowed his head and ran past Rin, not paying any attention as he turned to watch him, looking confused.

He raced back to the hotel and collapsed on his bed, sobbing into his pillow.

It had been the right thing to do, hadn't it? So why did it feel so bad?

He had already cried himself to sleep by the time Rei returned.

Rei snuck quietly into the room, pulling off his clothes and folding them neatly before sitting on the edge of his bed. He sighed deeply and took off his glasses, placing them gently on the small table beside his bed, then lay down and stared at the ceiling for a moment.

"Rei-chan..." came the soft whisper

He glanced over at the other bed. He couldn't see clearly, but it looked like Nagisa was facing away from him, probably dreaming again. A small snore confirmed his thoughts, and he rolled his eyes before rolling over to face the opposite wall and shutting his eyes.

"... I love you."


	2. Found

Rei's eyes shot open.

Surely he hadn't heard what he thought he had. He rolled over quietly and reached for his glasses. He sat up as he put them on and stared over at the other bed. He watched Nagisa's breathing for a moment trying to gauge whether or not he was still sleeping.

He pushed his glasses further up on his face out of habit.

"N-Nagisa-kun," he whispered softly.

He heard a muffled "Mm" in reply.

He took a deep breath and clenched his eyes shut.

"Say it again."

He could hear the smile as Nagisa sighed into his pillow.

"Love you, Rei-chn" came the muffled response. It was quiet, but those were definitely the words he heard.

He opened his eyes again and watched the sleeping boy, a light blush creeping onto his cheeks.

He slid his legs out of the bed and walked around to the other side of Nagisa's bed as silently as possible. He dropped down to a crouch in front of the other boy and studied his face. He was definitely still asleep, and was wearing a content looking smile on his face.

Rei sighed and watched him, wondering if his words held any real truth or if they were just a part of some strange dream.

He studied his face more carefully, and frowned slightly when he noticed how red the areas around his eyes were. The frown deepened as Nagisa shifted and the light caught a half-dry line that ran from the corner of his eye down to his chin. Had he been crying?

Rei reached out a hand and gently traced the trail that had obviously been left by a stream of tears. He was concentrating on it so much he didn't notice Nagisa's eyes fluttering open.

"You're back," he muttered, still half asleep, and Rei's gaze darted to his eyes just before they shut again.

"Y-you knew I was gone?"

Nagisa's eyes shot open as he realised what he'd said, having planned to pretend he knew nothing of Rei's disappearance during the night. His eyes met Rei's before he averted his gaze awkwardly.

"Yeah..." he trailed off nervously, "I woke up and you were gone..."

Rei sighed and looked down. The last time he had disappeared in the middle of the night, Nagisa had ended up dragging him onto a beach from the ocean half-conscious. It was no wonder he was crying if he thought Rei had done something as stupid as that again. He supposed he owed him an explanation.

"I... I went to meet with Rin-kun," he spat out, not looking up.

Nagisa swallowed. So this was it, Rei was going to admit to him that he had feelings for Rin. He was going to confirm the conclusions Nagisa had already come to earlier that night. He smiled lightly, his eyes still sad.

"I'm very happy for you, Rei-chan."

Rei's brows furrowed. What was _that_ supposed to mean? He looked up at Nagisa, and his confused frown deepened as he saw the sadness in his eyes.

He spoke slowly.

"He wanted to meet me to tell me he's not going to back out of the relay tomorrow. Kou gave him my number so that he could arrange to meet."

Nagisa blinked. His mouth was moving before his brain could stop it.

"But it looked like he was saying something much more emotional than that!"

Rei stared at him, incredulous.

"You... you followed me?"

He panicked.

"I went looking for you! I was so worried, Rei-chaaan, I thought you were running away because you were afraid of failing or that I'd done something wrong or-"

"Nagisa."

"- said something to hurt you or-"

"Nagisa."

"- you hated me or-"

"_NAGISA!_"

He stopped suddenly when Rei raised his voice. He hadn't noticed that his tears had begun streaming down his face again. Rei cupped his cheek and brushed away a tear with his thumb, and time seemed to stop as they looked into each other's eyes.

"I thought you and Rin-chan were..."

Rei looked away, and adjusted his glasses subconsciously with his free hand, his blush returning to his cheek as he swallowed slowly.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"Huh?"

He looked back at Nagisa, who was wearing a confused expression.

"Before you woke up, tell me what you were dreaming about."

Nagisa thought back for a second, and his cheeks turned a bright pink as he recalled the dream he'd been having. His eyes darted away but flicked back at Rei's next words.

"You said you loved me."

Nagisa's eyes widened and Rei tried to keep his calm, urging his hands, his eyes and his breath to remain steady as he looked into Nagisa's eyes.

"Did you mean it?"

The nod of his head was so slight it might have gone unnoticed if Rei hadn't been watching for it.

This was it. He was never going to get a better chance. He leaned toward the boy in the bed, and willed his body not to shake as he pressed their lips together. He lingered for a moment and then stood up and turned, hoping the smaller boy hadn't noticed the flush that had enveloped his entire face.

"Goodnight Nagisa-chan."

He walked back over to his own bed and lay down, placing his glasses on the bedside table again.

Nagisa continued to stare at nothing for a while, dumbfounded, and then his face relaxed into a bright grin before he shut his eyes.

"Goodnight Rei."


End file.
